Diese bizarrste Tindergeschichte lässt User an der Menschheit zweifeln

1. Setz dich zum Lesen besser hin.

2. Das fängt ja gut an. Ein äußerst seltsamer Account…

So a few weeks ago I was on the Tinder machine shopping my soul around and I match with a very attractive young lady. No bio. Fairly innocuous.

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

3. Doch es läuft zunächst ganz gut.

I message her some random shit and we chat for an hour or so and she says „here’s my number text me“ I’m like okay sure thing.

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

4. Aber dann verabschiedet sie sich auf einmal.

I text her n we make small talk abt work for a bit then she goes, „actually, I have this huge presentation Im workin on for my job, would you be offended if I got back to you in like a week or two when Ive got more free time? Youre cute and I want to meet you Im just too busy rn“

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

I thought well that’s an overly elaborate way to ghost someone. I say „lol I wouldn’t be offended, I totally get it. Hit me up when you’re free“

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

5. Und er denkt: Na gut, sollte wohl nicht sein.

She says „thank you, I was worried you would think I was trying to blow you off haha but for sure I’ll text you in like a week, I’m excited“ in my head I’m like sssssssuuuuurrrreeee I respond „😊“

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

6. Es verstreichen zwei Wochen.

Two weeks pass I completely forget about her then I remember and go back to tinder and I can’t find the conversation. 🧐 I think well that’s weird she deleted her tinder but I take it as… overly elaborate ghosting methods

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

7. Plötzlich bekommt er eine SMS.

Then yesterday I get a text „HEY IM FINALLY FREE LMAO… my friend is DJing near Union square around 6 tomorrow I was wondering if you wanted to go for a bit then we could go get drinks after and see what happens“

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

I’m like well I’ll be damned. Genuinely didn’t think she would message me. I reply „yeah I should be free, I’d be down“ she says „amazing I’m gonna be running around today and tomorrow but just come around 6 and I’ll meet you by the stage then we’ll head out“

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

8. Das Date geht weiter!

I say sure thing, looking forward to it. This morning she texts me at 9 am „hey it’s gonna rain today but I think it should clear up in time for our date“ I’m like cool, I’ll be there

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

9. Dennoch findet er das Ganze auch weiterhin seltsam.

I play football with @mersrulesworld_ earlier today and express my incredulity at the situation. I find her Instagram it says singer, actress, model, 3000 followers and I’m like uugghhhh I dunno bro, THIS SHIT FEELS OFF but fuck it

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

10. Treffen kann man sie natürlich trotzdem. Los geht’s zum Date.

I make my way to Union Square. Eat a hot dog and look over by this open lot by 17th Ave and there is a stage and a DJ and about 100 ppl and cameras and shit and I think well this is some random ass Manhattan shit.

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

She texts me „hey I’m running a little late but just meet me by the stage then we can go“ I wasn’t gonna stand in front of the fucking stage so I stand off to the side a bit

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

11. Dann nimmt die Geschichte eine sehr überraschende Wendung.

Eventually I see a girl moving towards backstage with two enormous bodyguards in sunglasses and realise it’s her and I’m thinking WHAT THINE FUCKETH IS GOING ON

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

I stay back and assess the situation and I’m like fuck I’mma stay right where I am til she texts me. The DJ eventually stops playing and she gets on the stage and I’m so fucking confused but think well I guess she’s a social media personality or some shit

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

12. Er verabschiedet sich bereits im Geiste.

I immediately think I’m too fucking old for this shit.

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

13. Dann zeigt sich das wahre Gesicht.

She gets the mic and is like thanks for coming out I bet you’re all wondering what this is about and I’m like yeah what the fuck is this about

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

She then says so I know all of you here are on tinder and I’m like 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

14. Was?!

Then she says I’ve invited you all here for a chance to go on a date with me and proceeds to give a hunger games speech about what its gonna take to date her

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

15. Alle anwesenden Männer sind auf ihre Einladung zu diesem „Konzert“ gekommen…

ALL THE DUDES THERE SHE FOUND ON TINDER AND TEXTED THEM THE SAME SHIT

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

Every man in the crowd looks down and mimes WHAT IN THE NAME OF SCOOBY DOO THE IS THIS SHIT to themself

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

16. Wir verstehen seine Überraschung.

At that point I am genuinely amazed at the fallopian fortitude this girl possesses. This is top 10 greatest finesse of all time. Dudes actually stayed and played.

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

17. Seine Konsequenz aus der Geschichte:

I went home.

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

I TRUST NO ONE. I TRUST NOTHING ANYMORE. VANITY WILL BE THE DEMISE OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION. DON’T GET GOT. THE END.

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

18. Und so sah das aus:

The scene pic.twitter.com/U0ROAWKDQc

— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018

19. Andere „Opfer“ melden sich zu der Geschichte.

Braaa I was victim #205 😭😭😭😂 Kinda glad I was running on cp time pic.twitter.com/agBFXje8dD

— MRG (@MRGwingteam) August 20, 2018

20. Was eine Geschichte! Am Ende berichtet sogar die New York Times darüber.

I like how the image here is just a wall of bananas https://t.co/7qrNYYnMeY

— JessicaMae Stover ✘ (@JSto) August 21, 2018