Twitterende comedian doet komisch verslag van leven met vier dochters

Marten

5 jaar geleden

James Breakwell is comedian en laat Twitteraars huilen van het lachen. Zijn grootste inspiratie? Hij woont samen met zijn vrouw en maar liefst vier dochters waarmee hij de meest hilarische en herkenbare gesprekken voert.

1. Willen we dit allemaal niet stiekem nog steeds?

4-year-old: When can I play with my presents?

Me: After all your party guests go home.

4: EVERYBODY HAS TO LEAVE.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2019

2. Gelijk heeft ze!

9-year-old: I NEED ice cream.

Me: Why?

9: Ice cream doesn't need a reason.

She has a point.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 8, 2019

3. Deze voelen we vandaag.

5-year-old: There's ice on the car.

Me: That means it's cold outside.

5: It means we should stay home.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 8, 2019

4. Die van ons plakken we ook vol vanavond.

Me: Why is there a sticker on the fridge?

5-year-old: It did a good job.

Me: *gives it another sticker*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 7, 2019

5. Waar zijn hoogslapers anders goed voor?

7-year-old: Can we get bunk beds?

Me: Give me one good reason.

7: To be safe from zombies.

We're getting bunk beds.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 28, 2019

6. Dit gesprek voeren we ook elke dag. Met onszelf.

Me: We should really fold that laundry.

Wife: Yes, we should.

Me: Want to do literally anything else instead?

Wife: Absolutely.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 25, 2019

7. Goede keuze.

5-year-old: When you die, do you want to go in a fire or in a box?

Me: Why would you ask that?

5: Just in case.

Me: Build me a pyramid.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2019

8. Het enige waar Wintertijd goed voor is.

5-year-old: Why is it so dark?

Me: The time changed.

5: Why?

Me: To make our lives harder.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 4, 2019

9. Gelukkig kennen ze daar geen Sinterklaas.

5-year-old: *asks for months when it's going to be Halloween*

Me: At least that's over.

5: When's Christmas?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 1, 2019

10. Uitstekend punt.

7-year-old: I ate all my food!

Me: You ate your chicken nuggets and didn't touch anything else.

7: I ate all the food that counts.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 31, 2019

11. En ook nog eens kunst, pap.

Me: Did you draw on the wall?

3-year-old: No.

Me: Then why do I see letters?

3: It's writing, not drawing.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 23, 2019

12. Deze voelen we elke dag.

7-year-old: Is it going to be one of those day?

Me: One of what days?

7: One of the ones where we have to get out of bed?

Those are the worst.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 23, 2019

13. En bedankt.

5-year-old: Why do you do push-ups?

Me: So I look better.

5: Will they change your face?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 21, 2019

14. Begrijpen we helemaal.

3-year-old: *stares off into space*

Me: What are you doing?

3: Thinking.

Me: About what?

3: Food.

She's officially an adult.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2019

15. Altijd fijn een ondersteunende vrouw.

Me: I'm mad at myself, and I don't know why.

Wife: Would you like some reasons?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2019

16. Dat is inderdaad een verschrikkelijke nachtmerrie.

7-year-old: I had a bad dream.

Me: What was it?

7: It snowed and snowed but they didn't cancel school.

Me: *holds her tight*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2019

17. Vader van het jaar award.

7-year-old: I don't have any scars.

Me: Did you want one?

7: Maybe a lightning bolt.

Me: I didn't let Voldemort get that close.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2019

18. Wij dragen dit kostuum blijkbaar ook elke dag.

7-year-old: I want to be you for Halloween.

Me: How would you dress?

7: I'd just look tired all the time.

We'd be twins.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 7, 2019

19. Auw.

Wife: Can you help me lift this?

Me: You need a big, strong man?

Wife: No, I asked for you.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 3, 2019

20. Deze zeven jarige snapt het helemaal.

Me: Wake up.

7-year-old: Let me sleep a little longer.

Me: How much longer?

7: Noon.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2019

21. Hier worden wij ook enthousiast van, hoor.

8-year-old: It’s Hat Day!

Me: What’s that?

8: I can wear a hat to school.

Me: So it’s just a regular school day?

8: WITH A HAT.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 29, 2018

22. Weet je plek.

3-year-old: You’re my dad.

Me: Yes.

3: And Mom’s husband.

Me: Uh huh.

3: And the dog’s pooper scooper.

I know my place.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 31, 2018

23. Geweldig.

My 3-year-old got a trophy for “graduating” from 3-year-old preschool.

She understands that participation trophies don’t mean anything.

Just kidding. She carries that thing around like she won an Oscar.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 27, 2018

24. Heel logisch.

6-year-old: Girls are faster than boys.

Me: Why?

6: Our hair rides the wind.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2018

25. We weten het nog steeds niet…

6-year-old: Why are boys?

Me: Why are boys what?

6: Just why are they?

Me: No one knows.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 20, 2018

26. Moeilijke keuze.

5-year-old: Would you rather be a mom or go to jail?

7-year-old: How long in jail?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2018

27. En dat zijn de juiste benodigdheden 😉

7-year-old: *puts a lightsaber, a princess crown, and goldfish crackers in a duffel bag*

Me: Where are you going?
7: To war.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 28, 2018

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